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TV: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE LEARNED FROM THE 2017 #GoldenGlobes

LIL GRIPES DASH

Meryl Streep aside, the 2017 Golden Globes was Textbook 101 in why award shows without live performances shouldn’t be on television at all.

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(TL;DR: Being a public figure calls for a modicum of self-awareness, a trait these award shows and their attendees lack in shovels and spades.)

Why do we watch ceremonies like the Golden Globes in the first place? The 3 G’s: The glitz, the glamor, the gossip.

Some of us watch for what’s apparently on-trend in upcoming fashion seasons, some to see what certain celebrities’ new faces look like, and a marginally few even watch to support their favorite works of art or to bemoan which ones got good ol’ snubs:

What don’t we watch for?

Not one of us watches in hopes that Meryl Streep will share her stunning sociopolitical belief that Hollywood actors are in the marginalized segments of society… or that Clint Eastwood will start stumping for Trump in front of a chair (Right-wing or Left, STFU about your politics at entertainment award shows! It’s not a Nobel; thank your mama and get off the stage. Hold a press conference on your own time!). None of us watch, either, for our personal stake in the movies or shows getting showered with gold (quite literally). These televised ceremonies target viewers who have nil to do with the entertainment industry. All in all… we only watch because it’s a guilty pleasure, much like the Real Housewives of [insert city].

These broadcasts, year and year again, repeatedly show a willful ignorance of this fact. Instead, they opt for self-indulgence, not unlike our buddy King Lion here:

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Tom Hiddleston, is that you? 

3 Compelling Reasons Why the “Award” Part of Award Shows Need Not Be on TV:

1.  The lack of entertainment on a show celebrating entertainment:

We love Jimmy Fallon, but boy, did he fail Sunday at this whole hosting thing. Keeping with the theme of self-indulgence, Fallon opened with, in lieu of a raunchy, satirical monologue like his predecessors, a cutesy cold open that only those who have seen the film La La Land (which is 2% of Golden Globes viewers) will appreciate. The rest of the night was spent with him doing the intermittent ’80s hip-hop parody… because.

As someone who has watched the Oscars, Grammys, Golden Globes, etc. with glee from a very young age, I have only noticed this pattern in adulthood: The shows that invite cynicism from the viewers (mainly due to boredom) are ones that provide little in the way of comedy and/or live performances.

The Oscars, while still managing to be way too long each year, at least sprinkle musical performances throughout the evening. The Tonys are very much a show in that their theatrical skits encapsulate the magic of what the night was meant to celebrate in the first place. Same can be said for the Grammys; each year, people tune in for their favorite artists’ performances of their latest and greatest, capitalizing on the Grammys’ huge production budget.

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Then there are “shows” like the Golden Globes and Emmys, which rely entirely on the talents of the host to eke by, praying for controversial moments that will end up talking points the following week. In the past, Ricky Gervais and the dynamic duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have buoyed the Globes with politically incorrect jokes taking direct aim at Hollywood inhabitants in the room, assuming the point of view of those at home. When we the viewers hear Tina and Amy joke about where Leonardo DiCaprio likes his supermodels or a tipsy Ricky Gervais demand Mel Gibson explain what sugar t*ts are, we feel included in the night. A part of the glamor and self-celebration.

2. The insufferably self-important speeches relevant to no one not in the industry:

Ok, Meryl, try to “empathize” with this:

On a show in which every movie star is decked out like a show pony and liquored up to the nines, someone suddenly taking a moment to preach their political views to the masses is not only being tone-deaf, but appearing to hijack the entire night’s spotlight for themselves.

Besides Meryl Streep, Tom Hiddleston also failed to get this memo (or just ignored it in true lack of self-awareness). Accepting his trophy for his role in AMC’s The Night Manager, Hiddleston also took home the win for Biggest Humblebrag of the Night. He told a long story about how, on a trip to South Sudan, a bunch of Doctors Without Borders had approached him and claimed they binge-watched his miniseries while working to lend help to the war-torn region. Hiddleston declared how moved he was by “the idea that we could provide some relief and entertainment for people who are fixing the world in the places where it is broken.”

Essentially, he patted himself on the back for lending entertainment to the people risking their lives helping the less fortunate in Sudan. Scandal star Joshua Malina summed it best when he tweeted:

“Thank you to Tom Hiddleston and all actors who dare to perform in projects that are shown in some of the most dangerous parts of the world.”

3. The Inevitable Technical Malfunctions:

Not all actors are blessed with the gift of improv, which is fine, except when the Teleprompter fails and they have nothing to read.

Every goddamn year, without fail, the Golden Globes has at least one instance of this. This year, it happened as soon as Jimmy Fallon made his way to the stage. What we, the entertain-ees, are left with, is a steaming pile of blushed cheeks and Fallon hemming and hawing. What is it with Dick Clark Productions and uncoordinated tech? Maybe Mariah Carey is onto something. Maybe DC Productions is not trying to purposely sabotage the poor souls on stage, and ruin the viewing experience for all, but one does wonder: Are they comfortably incompetent because they are passively chasing that “moment” in this age of instant viral social media?

The 3 positives from this year’s Globes?

People who still wanted to entertain… and Me:

Sofia Vergara:

Steve Carrell and Kristen Wiig:

Blake Lively? She’s Been Slacking since Gossip Girl!

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We watch the Golden Globes because it’s a guilty pleasure, much like the Real Housewives of [insert city]… Not one of us watches in hopes that Meryl Streep will share her stunning sociopolitical belief that Hollywood actors are in the marginalized segments of society… or that Clint Eastwood will start stumping for Trump.

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ICYMI: TOP STORIES OF THE WEEK + “Ask Me Anything” Videos

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A Round-Up of This Week’s Top Stories:

Click on images to see article:

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VIDEO: HAVE I BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW? And Other “Get to Know Me” Questions Pt 2/2

MY “GET TO KNOW ME QUESTIONS” video sessions conclude today with the following! Watch yesterday’s video answers here: HAVE I GONE SKINNY DIPPING? And Other “Get to Know Me” Questions Pt 1/2

“Lord of the Rings” or “Game of Thrones?”

Does Size Matter?

Favorite Superhero Ever and Why?

Have I Ever Been In Trouble with the Law?

Have I Ever Dated a Black Guy?

“Star Trek” or “Star Wars”?

Which Musician Do I Want to Meet the Most?

What’s the One Question I Want to Ask God Most?

What Kind of Music Do I Like?

What Would I Do if I Won the Lottery?

What is the Girliest Show I Watch?

My First Period

Where Would I Travel Anywhere in the World?

Which “The Walking Dead” Character Would I Bring Back from the Dead?

As Whom Do I Most Want to Cosplay?

Will I Return to the East Side Dave Show?

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VIDEO: HAVE I GONE SKINNY DIPPING? And Other “Get to Know Me” Questions Pt 1/2

MY “GET TO KNOW ME QUESTIONS”/”ASK ME ANYTHING” VIDEO FEATURE IS RELEASED TODAY AND TOMORROW:

Part 2 Here: VIDEO: HAVE I BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW? And Other “Get to Know Me” Questions Pt 2/2

Favorite Athlete

Am I a Feminist?

Actor/Actress I Want to Meet the Most?

Am I a “Westworld” fan?

Would I rather have Captain America’s shield, Green Lantern’s ring, Iron Man’s suit, or Thor’s hammer?

After the Negan/Lucille premiere, is “The Walking Dead” sleeping through the season?

Do I Draw or Write?

I Wrote a Disturbing Screenplay When I was 12

Do I Have Any Unusual Talents?

Have I Played Any Sports?

Do I have Any Phobias?

Did I Have Any Childhood Nicknames?

Have I Ever Gone Skinny-Dipping?

Marvel or DC?

Sexiest Female Superhero?

Sexiest Male Superhero?

Who Would Win: Wonder Woman or Superman?

PART 2 tomorrow.

 

ICYMI: TOP STORIES OF THE WEEK + Your Poll Results!

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A Round-Up of This Week’s Top Stories:

  • WHO WORE IT BEST? The 3 Best and Worst Versions of a Sexy Superhero Costume on Film/TV
  • VIDEO: “PUDDIN…” My Harley Quinn Impressions
  • LIFE: I was Grabbed by the Pussy. Literally… and Not by Donald Trump
  • VIDEO: ASK ME ANYTHING ~ Send in Your Questions for MY “Q&A” Video,
  • Breasts, Superheroes, and the Contrast between Comic Books and Film/TV

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MONDAY:

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TUESDAY:

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WEDNESDAY:

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THURSDAY:

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FRIDAY:

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Your Poll Results:

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VIDEO: ASK ME ANYTHING ~ Send in Your Questions for MY “Q&A” Video!

Yesterday, I published I was Grabbed by the Pussy. Literally.

It was a piece that reminded me of why I love storytelling: I love sharing.

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So in that spirit and the spirit of Noel, I have decided to do an AMA/ASK ME ANYTHING/Q&A VIDEO! (Thanks to a lovely reader for suggesting the idea in the first place 🙂 ) It will be just like a Reddit AMA… except it won’t be on Reddit… and it won’t be an AMA per se and it won’t be live. The ANYTHING part is true, though! My answers will also all be in video format!  That is, like, so much better than most Reddit AMAs. Sort of.

SEND ALL QUESTIONS TO comments section BELOW or to LILGRIPES@GMAIL.COM

You can also message me on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram!

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

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VIDEO: “PUDDIN…” My Harley Quinn Impressions

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I finally watched “Suicide Squad”… and I caught the acting bug… well, to play one character: Harley Quinn a.k.a. Harleen Frances Quinzel (guess the MD suffix no longer is valid). LIL GRIPES DASH

Margot Robbie was, forgive the redundancy, ROBBED of her due screen-time. Harley Quinn is not a stoic supervillain. Harley Quinn chews the scenery. Harley Quinn is the show.

Now, all I need is bleach-blonde hair and some pink and blue lowlights.

AND that “Lucky You” tattoo above her… happy place. 😉

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VIDEO: #HAPPYTHANKSGIVING! I’m Sorry…

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

See you next week! Be nice, say sweet nothings, and make out with dogs (Better yet, adopt a dog or kitty cat this holiday season)!

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To reward your patience, we got… a four-year late impression of Bane. SUCK IT, TOM HARDY:

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TV: > 7 Days Left to Season 7 Premiere: The 7 Best #TheWalkingDead Episodes So Far

OUR 7 FAVORITE THE WALKING DEAD EPISODES SO FAR:

(from 7th best to number one)

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7th Best Episode of All-Time: “No Sanctuary,” Season 5 Episode 1

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6th Best Episode of All-Time: “Days Gone Bye,” Season 1 Episode 1

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5th Best Episode of All-Time: “No Way Out,” Season 6 Episode 9

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4th Best Episode of All-Time: “Too Far Gone,” Season 4 Episode 8

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3rd Best Episode of All-Time: “A,” Season 4 Episode 16

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2nd Best Episode of All-Time: “Better Angels,” Season 2 Episode 12

WHAT WE LOVED ABOUT IT:

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This instantly iconic shot of Rick (left) and Shane (right) underscored another brilliant aspect of the episode: its epically breathtaking cinematography.

What a perfect illustration of how some are born to lead and others born to crack. The escalating tension between Rick and Shane, instead of coming to an impasse due to Dale’s devastating death,  had finally shattered the last remaining fragments of their BFF status. Rick (still operating at this point under a democracy than a Ricktatorship) is more assured than ever in the humane choice to set Randall the prisoner free, as Dale would have had it, than to execute him, as Shane would. So, it begins…Shane’s plot to murder Rick in cold blood is revealed to the audience as it is to Rick, making the buildup and the faux goose chase Shane set up all the more tense and rife for Emmy-winning acting moments. (Seriously, did Shane think anyone would buy his story if he walked back onto that farm without Rick?)

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Rick: Wait a minute, you bald-headed snake…

It seemed that, as the episode progressed, so did the ferocious pace of Rick Grimes’ ascension to full Alpha status. While Shane was quickly slipping off the cliff of sanity, Rick was firmly holding onto all the hope he saw in front of him: a wife, son, unborn child, and friends both new and old. Andrew Lincoln’s glow-in-the-dark blue eyes, ever-fixated on Shane as the latter kept leading him further out into the woods, carried all of the burden in these dimly lit scenes, reflecting all the flashes of confusion, betrayal, and anger that Rick felt as he followed his former best friend knowingly toward his own execution, thinking, “Is this crazy mothaf***er REALLY going to try and kill me right here and now?

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LINE OF THE EPISODE:

“People are gonna die. I wish I had something more profound to say…but I’m tired, son. Please, take it.”

-Rick as he hands Carl a gun, the same one Carl later uses to dispatch Walker Shane

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WHY THIS EPISODE WORKED:

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Shane needed to goooooooo! If you can’t take direct orders from the group’s designated leader, then leave the goddamn group. A group of survivors in a Zombie Apocalypse is simply a microcosmic society and in any society, there must be some order. It was completely satisfying watching him fail to get the upper-hand on Rick, thereby proving Rick’s leadership-worthiness, and even more when Rick’s own son shot him after reanimation. I have watched Carl shoot Walker Shane, like, 100 times on repeat.

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One of my single favorite scenes on The Walking Dead thus far; I got your 6, Dad!

P.S. I did cry when Rick frustratingly blubbered over Shane’s dead body:

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P.P.S. Rick, Carl, Daryl and Glenn witness firsthand the heavy realization that everyone will eventually become a walker.

P.P.P.S. I know she’s dead now, but can someone slap Lori for me? At an emotionally fragile time for all, post-Dale’s funeral, she went over to Shane to have an intimate chat about how her unborn child, whom she had previously declared was husband Rick’s “no matter what,” could just as easily be Shane’s. Given Lori’s knowledge that Shane is already predisposed to rage and possessiveness over her and Carl, that was just complete idiocy on her part. I would blame it on the baby hormones but I don’t want to be labeled a sexist by SJWs.

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BEST EPISODE OF ALL-TIME: “This Sorrowful Life,” Season 3 Episode 15

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WHAT WE LOVED ABOUT IT:

Merle, Merle, Merle. Never has a character, up to this point in the series, been so sophisticatedly dissected from start to finish in an episode. Even the always scene-stealing Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes paled in comparison to Michael Rooker’s Merle Dixon this time. Rooker enunciated each layer of Merle’s personality clearly and intensely.

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We saw Merle the greedy user (“We got any whiskey?” “Just lookin’ for some crystal meth is all”),  Merle the voice of reason (“You’re gonna let [the Governor torture Michonne] all just for a shot? You’re as cold as ice, Officer Friendly”), Merle the dutiful henchman (takes it upon himself to kidnap Michonne and deliver her on Rick’s behalf), and, most tragically, Merle the regretful (dare we say, sorrowful?) loner…The real reason we wound up so saddened by Merle’s departure from this world was that he had resigned to the fact that he didn’t belong anywhere… The Governor no longer wanted him, Rick and his group certainly never liked him, and his own brother, Daryl, now looked at him like a sick old dog whom he just couldn’t bring himself to put down. He had no one left in this world, if he ever had anyone truly… and it took somewhere along his drive with Michonne for him to realize this.

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Merle made an ultimately self-sacrificial decision to free Michonne and try to eliminate as much of the threat to Rick’s group as possible. Was it a suicidal decision? Therein lies that beautiful complexity… After having all these layers of Merle Dixon peeled back, we still will never know what truly drove him to do what he did at any given time. Clearly, part of his motivation was the desire to protect Daryl but he chose deliberately to go alone on this killing spree when he could have easily enlisted help.

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“I can’t go back. Don’t you get that? I just can’t go back.” That, and not his heroic self-sacrifice, was the real tear-jerking moment. Whether he survived his kamikaze-style attack on the Governor’s soldiers, Merle was always going out alone in this world. He knew it. We knew it. For a character who’s been only on a dozen episodes, Merle Dixon’s loss is still felt today as our group faces an entirely new (and bigger) threat in Negan and his Saviors.

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LINE OF THE EPISODE:

“I don’t know why I do the things I do. Never did. I’m a damn mystery to me.”

-Merle to Rick

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Oh, and don’t get us started on Daryl’s cry-face. When Norman Reedus cries, we cry, y’all:

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Honorable Mentions for LINE OF THE EPISODE:

In addition to the emotional weight of the episode, Merle helped serve up a delicious platter of one-liners to offset the mood:

“Do you even possess a pair of balls, little brother? If so…they belong to you?”

“The inner circle… I’m honored.”

MICHONNE: “So is this your thing then? Taking out the trash?”
MERLE: “Aww, don’t be so hard on yourself, darling.”

“You’ve got to play the hand you’re dealt… and I’ve only got one.”

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TV: 6-Week Countdown to #TheWalkingDead ~ 6th Best Episode:

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SEASON 6 of “The Walking Dead” has been released on Netflix today. How apropos, considering there is a little less than 6 weeks left ’til Season 7 premieres on AMC… and we find out which beloved main character(s) died at Negan’s bat.

Before the end, however, let’s retreat to the beginning… where it all started, with our #6 Best Episode of All-Time:

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No. 6:  Season 1 Episode 1, “Days Gone Bye”

Highlight #6: RICK IS ANY ONE OF US

Highlight #5: LINE OF THE EPISODE

LIL GRIPES DASH“Take a moment. Look at how sharp it is. If you try anything, I will kill you with it. Don’t think I won’t.”

-Morgan Jones to Rick Grimes

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Highlight #4: THE CREEPY WALKER GIRL

Highlight #3: MORGAN AND DUANE

Highlight #2: MERCY KILLING JUXTAPOSITION

Highlight #1: SUBTLE CREEPINESS

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