- Swift is the ultimate overachiever (just peep her discography, award collection and album sales)–I understand, Swiftie. It is a double-edged sword. Accomplishments this multiplied always come at great mental, emotional and probably physical costs. I know for sure that Swift right now isn’t sitting in her new SoHo penthouse counting cash money. Talent and fame are nothing unless rivers of sweat ceaselessly flow with it.
- Swift is a dichotomy–the overachieving hottie with wads of insecurity still constantly percolating inside of her. Early in her career, she crooned about growing up the ugly duckling, always losing the hot guy to the cheerleader. Her first radio hit, “Teardrops on My Guitar,” begins with the verse:
“Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
That I want and I’m needing everything that we should be
I’ll bet she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about,
And she’s got everything that I have to live without.”
Meanwhile, in the then-17-year old Swift’s music video, the burgeoning songstress shimmered and glistened with the very radiance she craved so much. Decorative, glittery eyeshadow accentuated her baby blues as she laid with the titular guitar on her bed, long blonde locks styled just so that it fanned out all over her pillow. The girl looked like a freakin’ fairy princess.
Now, in what may be the peak of her career, she still sings from the perspective of an authentic underdog. Swift now acknowledges that she is capable of landing the quarterback hunk, like in 2014’s “Style,” where she pinpoints her beau’s “James Dean daydream look.” Her recorded problems, however, still remain largely amorous and largely a questioning of her own romantic capabilities. Swift’s self-doubt is very much intact in her mid-20s.
In 2012’s ode to former boyfriend, actor Jake Gyllenhaal, “All Too Well,” Swift ramped up to a histrionical bridge in which she asks herself, “Maybe we got lost in translation… maybe I asked for too much?” In 2010’s “Better Than Revenge,” she is, once again, happy playing the victim after her man is swiped off by another woman. Swift delightfully laments on the record:
“Soon she’s gonna find
stealing other people’s toys
on the playground won’t
make you many friends”
“She looks at life like it’s a party and she’s on the list.
She looks at me like I’m a trend and she’s so over it.”
Many critics (both professional and not-so) accused this particular song of an action newly minted as “slut-shaming,” in which one female publicly embarrasses another for sleeping with too many men. After listening to every Taylor Swift album to date front-and-back, I can soundly state that while Swift may “slut-shame,” her primary mindset is still of the bullied victim in most situations. Even with supermodel friends, a Kennedy on her romantic résumé, and a Grammy-count worthy of the best divas, it still is not enough for Taylor Swift.
Talent and fame are nothing unless rivers of sweat ceaselessly flow with it.
“Bad Blood” is overkill and, then, kills overkill itself.
- Selena Gomez as ARSYN, the spy bestie who betrays CATASTROPHE (Swift), in a VERY Katy Perry-esque wig:
- Karlie Kloss, supermodel du jour, as KNOCKOUT, a kickboxing expert:
- Gigi Hadid, the rising and ubiquitous supermodel du jour as SLAY-Z, ninja-star slinger:
- Hailee Steinfeld, 2011 Best Supporting Actress Oscar nominee for “True Grit,” as THE TRINITY, a set of android(?) triplets:
- Cara Delevingne, Supermodel du Jour-cum-Bona Fide Actress du Jour as MOTHER CHUCKER, a nunchuck-weaver (I friggin’ love this girl and cannot wait for her as The Enchantress in 2016’s “Suicide Squad”):
- Hayley Williams, lead singer of Paramore, as THE CRIMSON CURSE, another… ninja-star thrower?
- Lena Dunham [insert your own description here] as LUCKY FIORI… cigar-smoker:
- Jessica Alba as DOMINO, moto-guru:
- Zendaya Coleman, Disney’s hottest new graduate, as CUT THROAT, a dagger-throwing coach: